7 Reasons You Don’t Want Your Ex Back

Posted on March 06, 2017

The weather is warming and we are quickly approaching the spring equinox. If you′re single, your thoughts are probably turning towards romance. There′s a reason that the festival of Beltane was a fertility festival! In the spring season, everything comes alive and is so vibrant. Procreation and reproduction happens in both the animal and the plant kingdoms.

If you′re single, or unhappy with your current romance, your thoughts may turn to a past relationship. You may even begin to believe you were happy and fulfilled. There are many reasons why you don′t want your old lover back and why you should be looking to the future, not the past. The past has nothing new to offer you, so why is it so tempting to revisit it?

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The Person Feels Familiar

One of the reasons that your thoughts drift back to what used to be is because it′s familiar. You know that person. You know what to expect and may have felt at ease with them, even if you weren′t completely happy. Perhaps you′re looking back at that memory through rose-colored glasses and imagining things were better than they actually were. It′s easy to remember the good times and forget about the pain.

That is especially true if the past relationship was one of the most interesting or intense connections you′ve experienced. If it′s your most recent relationship, it is fresh in your memory and your emotions are still raw. Perhaps you′ve even tried to get together again, vowing it would be better this time. It′s quite possible that you turned to an astrologer and had a relationship synastry chart done, and your compatibility levels looked high.

The make-up sex is great, but there′s more to a relationship than physical intimacy. New love is exciting and invigorating, but it′s also scary. There′s something to be said for wanting what was comfortable, but that doesn′t mean that it′s right. If you think this is the reason why you want your ex back, reconsider! There is love out there that will help you grow.

You′re Overlooking Flaws

You have to remember that there were legitimate reasons why you don′t want your old lover back. If your ex is really that wonderful, you′d still be with that person, right? If they were the one that instigated the breakup, then they weren′t into you as much as you thought they were. Why on Earth would you want to be with someone who thought you were second best.

Your reasons for breaking up don′t need to be associated with blame. If someone had an affair, or behaved in other unacceptable ways, then that could have brought an end to the relationship. However, sometimes people simply outgrow each other, and that′s not really anyone′s fault.

If you′re the one that left because you felt the relationship wasn′t working, remember why you left, and push forward to your new goals. If your partner is the one who left, keep reminding yourself that you′re worth more than to be someone′s afterthought, no matter how wonderful you think they are.

You′re Feeling Lonely

Did you ever stop to think that maybe you′re longing for your ex because you′re lonely? It′s easy to get into the headspace that anyone is better than no one, even if that person isn′t quite right for you. Of course, this is nonsense, and it′s at this time you have to remember all the reasons why you broke up, no matter how much you love your ex.

Rather than wallowing in self-pity, you should try new things with new people. Take a class, start a hobby, join a club, volunteer. Do something that makes you feel motivated and do something constructive. An examination of your birth chart will help you to understand how to make the most out of the current planetary weather, so that you can combat this loneliness on your own, without having to depend on someone else for your happiness or companionship.

When you′re actively participating in pursuits that you enjoy, you start to ooze charisma and confidence. When people see you being happy, they want to get to know you better. People see you enjoying your own company and they want to enjoy your company, too. Energy always attracts like energy! The quickest way to get through loneliness is to do things that prevent you from being lonely. It′s that simple—although it′s execution can take some determination.

You′re Feeling Jealousy

Some couples go through the ‘I don′t want you, but I don′t want anyone else to have you, either′ game. They′re unhappy together, but the thought of their partner being with someone else is appalling. As an astrologer, I often get asked whether exes are seeing someone else. The harsh truth of this is that if that person is your ex, then it doesn′t matter if they′re seeing someone else or not.

You′re no longer together and it′s none of your business—even if your ex is sleeping with one of your friends. Should you have one of those nonsensical ‘trial separations,′ and then reunite, how are you going to feel knowing that they′ve been intimate with someone else—or maybe it′s you who sought comfort in the arms of another!

You broke up for a reason and arguments that arise from jealousy are only going to fuel whatever drove you apart. Unless you′ve both found some vast reserves of maturity and wisdom in the meantime. Subsequent breakups are likely to be even nastier than the original one. Make sure you know what you′re doing if you decide to try to ascend this slippery slope.

You′ve Outgrown Your Ex

You might think that you can reconcile and pick up where you left off, but you can′t. You′re not the same person that you were when you were together and neither is your ex. You′ve done different things, developed other interests, and maybe even had other lovers in the interim.

Add to the baggage that initially led to the disharmony between you, those annoying quirks that were cute when you got together and became intolerable by the end, and it′s going to be difficult to find a place where you truly enjoy each other. Reconciliations have a tendency to start from emotionally different places.

One of you may be too clingy and relieved that you′re back together. One of you may be going back into the relationship because you feel sorry for your ex, or obligated to them in some way. You′re still going to be carrying the reasons that you broke up in the first place with you. That′s probably only going to lead to another—perhaps nastier—separation.

It′s also important to take a look at where you are in your numerology cycles, too. Often when you enter into a different essence cycle, your personality and your life goals alter. If you and your ex aren′t working in harmonious cycles, you′re probably better off letting them go, and finding someone with whom you′re on a more compatible vibration.

You Need to Stay Open

It′s hard to think that someone new may be better for you than someone you already know. We′ve already talked about how it′s comforting because they feel familiar, that feeling still doesn′t make it right. Some people feel that there is only one true love out there for them, only one soul mate, but that′s not the case!

In fact, your life mate and your soul mate are very often not the same person. They have different roles to fill when it comes to your physical incarnation and the evolution of your soul! Open yourself up to the infinite. There are many people who would be good matches for you, even better than the ex you′re longing for at the moment.

You have to let your ex go, and open your heart to new love. You have to be willing to allow the space for a person that will be better for you to enter your life. Remember the old adage that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find one who turns into your perfect partner!

Put Your Happiness First

In the end, it all comes down to happiness. Your own fulfilment is the biggest reason why you don′t want your old lover back. You might think that a reconciliation will bring you the joy and the love and the joy and relief that you seek. It won′t—and the truth is that not even finding a new partner will do that!

Happiness comes from within. You have to create it in your own life before you can truly experience it. Once you′ve mastered that, then no one will ever be able to steal your happiness again. Oh, sure, you′ll have the usual ups and downs of life, but authentic happiness does not depend on another person.

When you′re authentically happy, you will find someone who is motivated by the same and sees your inner light when you find a deep-seated peace of mind and a confidence that no one can rattle. That′s what′s going to make your life full, not returning to a relationship that has obviously run its course.

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It′s normal to feel sad and lonely after a breakup. You might feel the green-eyed monster rear it′s head at the thought of your ex seeing someone new. You have to remember that you must move beyond relationships that have run their course. it′s not healthy to hang on to these emotions.

You must remember the reasons why you and your ex didn′t work out. You must work on yourself and accept your role in the breakup and go out there and attract someone who is right for you and will appreciate you for who you are. You′ll find happiness is when you open yourself up to new love.

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Charla Stone

Hi! I’m Charla Stone and I learned astrology and mysticism way back in the 1970s. I've spent the last four decades using the stars, tarot, runes, crystals, totems, and more to bring light and guidance to others. I’m just an old hippie at heart who has traveled the world to learn of its cultures. I’ve been published online and in print—which still rather surprises me, as this isn’t something I do, it’s just who I am! When I’m not writing or doing readings, I’m spending time in my garden or the art studio, or with my beloved dogs. Read More by Charla Stone