How to Overcome Your Own Worst Enemy: Fear
Do you want to be successful in life? Are pickles green? Of course you do. So why aren’t you? Why are you wondering how to do it, instead of going out and getting it? I will tell you why. Fear. You may interrupt me with “the hand” to say stop right there. I have kids. I am tied to my location. I have a spouse. I have an ex spouse. I have “things” that are called life, you know, and it sure as heck isn’t fear that is stopping me. And I am interrupting you during all of that to say, yes it is. All of that stuff is just…stuff. It’s details of life. Success, that is a concept. Success is not a detail. It is a lifestyle. It is not a one stop destination like, getting married, having kids, or even owning your own company. It is a state of being. It is, having all of that, or just one of those things, and whatever else you want too. And if you don’t have even one of those things right now, then it’s because you are allowing your fear to run your life. Think I’m wrong? It’s called being human. We’ve all been there. But the one thing, and the only thing, you don’t have in common with successful people is, they have gotten past those fears.
Notice I didn’t say, they are fearless people who were lucky to not have to be brave in this world. They were born rich, or born wealthy, or just born pretty and can have whoever they want. Wrong! Even Angelina Jolie needs to work at her relationship, and her bank account. Nothing “just happens” to anybody. Prince Harry needs to work for a living as well, and he sure hasn’t been successful in love. See? We all want the same things. And for every single one of us, it is the same thing that is stopping us. Fear. So in order to be successful, you simply need to get past that. Get past your deepest darkest fears? Are you crazy? No. Believe it or not, it’s just a choice. So if you really want to overcome your fear, and grab whatever brass ring success looks like to you, here’s how to do it, no matter what your zodiac sign is, no matter what your relationship status is, and no matter what your bank account balance is. Follow these steps, embrace that fear, and watch the success begin to roll in. And please do report back on your progress!
1. Bravery is a choice, not an event.
When the lioness is hunting, she knows that once she gets out there, she is exposing herself to predators. But, she’s got a denful at home to feed, and that can’t stop her. So she hunts anyway. She will not succeed if she doesn’t. Bravery is not overcoming the greatest and steepest odds in the absence of fear. I have had an 8 year old leukemia patient teach me this very valuable lesson. Bravery is in fact, doing anyway, in the presence of fear. After I marveled at all that she was going through without seemingly an ounce of fear but a metric tonne of bravery she told me I was wrong. “It’s not brave if you aren’t scared.” How true. That one made me think for a very long time. That little girl is now about a year and a half away from graduating med school. And she will do it and she will be great, and she may even discover a cure or two along the way. But not because she’s not scared. She’s scared to death. That’s why she’s been pushing her whole life. A former neighbor of mine from many years ago also overcame childhood leukemia. But even as an adult, he stays home and collects disability, and he always will. That is the difference between fear and bravery. Bravery is not something that happens to you once. It’s a choice you make every day. Are you going to be brave today? Or are you going to stay home where it’s safe?
We are socialized to want security, and to many that means a fancy car, a fancy house, a partner, and a job that people envy. If you think about it, those things are actually pretty easy to get. The things that aren’t so easy to get are the things you get with bravery. The difference between living a brave life, and a life that is secure, is that the brave people are the ones that get jobs that people envy. They work in the White House, they have partners that are famous, and they don’t just have one fancy house they have many.
Secure people have lived their lives in a comfort zone that feels safe and cozy to them. What they have is enough. There’s nothing wrong with that by the way. You are allowed to stop wanting more any time that you want. But if you know that you want more, and you aren’t getting it, it’s because you haven’t crossed that line between realizing that brave success is much different than secure success. You think you can have it all without fear, but you can not. It’s okay to be scared. It’s called being human. Accept it. And be brave anyway, because that’s what bravery is. The first step in overcoming your fear is embracing how brave you are in the process. You don’t have to let go of your fears, you can’t. They are there for a reason. Embrace them, and your bravery, and a whole new world unfolds. If you want to succeed, choose bravery. Waiting for it to happen to you is a waste of time. Choose it right now.
2. Know that fear and danger are two different things.
This is something we all get stuck on. I like to use the acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real as the acronym for fear. The difference between fear and danger is that fear lives in your head, and danger lives in the world. When you are home alone at night you probably feel fearful sometimes. Is there someone in the house? Usually no. But you think that there is because your fear is in your head creating noises around you that convince you there is someone in the house. But there’s not. That’s fear. That is False Evidence that Appears Real, but isn’t. Now if there is someone in your house, that’s a whole different ball of wax. That is danger. You can have fear and danger at the same time, but having the presence of fear does not always include the presence of danger. But we as humans go to great lengths to convince ourselves that it does. So we stop doing something, or prevent our Selves from doing something, because of this False Evidence that Appears Real that is convincing us that there is danger ahead.
You want to go for the brass ring at work? You want to have The Talk with your lover? You want to apply for a job across the globe because you feel called to do it? Is it scary? All of those things are terrifying. Is it dangerous? Unless the job you want is in Syria, no. Are you going to lose your life to your lover if The Talk doesn’t go your way? It feels like you might. And in some dangerous relationships that actually happens. But we are talking about reality here. It only feels like your life will be over if you have The Talk, because you are fearful. But unless you have solid evidence that your life ends with The Talk, accepting your fears that False Evidence that Appears Real is necessary to have that talk and experience success in love. Let’s face it. Your love life or your job life or your whatever is going nowhere if you sit at home cuddling your fears. Again, be okay with having fears. But know that fear and danger are two different things. And just because you are afraid of something, doesn’t mean that doing so is going to mean bad things will happen to you. Even if something bad does happen, again, unless we are talking about Syria, do it anyway. Now you know. And every time you embrace that very human feeling called fear you become much more confident to kick it in the butt next time.
3. Consider your fear a sign or a message from Universe.
Sometimes, the reasons we have fear is because Universe wants us to overcome that and is trying to give us a little nudge. You are afraid of this? Push past this and see what we have for you on the other side, is the message. If you are deathly afraid of bees you may never smell a flower because you are convinced the monster of stingdom is going to come out and attack you and bring you to your very death. I know this because I am afraid of bees. But I do not let that prevent me from growing a beautiful garden every year. Attack by the monster of stingdom is simply not going to happen by the way, unless you have an allergy. Again, that is the minority of the population, and if you do have an allergy to bees your fear of bees is not just a fear, it is also a danger. But if there is no danger of bees to your daily existence, you should go ahead and smell that flower anyway. Maybe a bee will fly out. So what? It probably won’t sting you if you are paying attention, and now you get to smell the pretty flower. But if you cling to that fear, which is probably irrational, you prevent yourself from enjoying that beauty. I’ve never in my life been stung by a bee by the way. I have no evidence to bring to the table to support my fear of bees. But I am anyway, because of my False Evidence that Appears Real. I push past it. I have yet to lose my fear. But I push past it because the Universe wants me to enjoy that garden. I accept that my fear is irrational, and created by me, and do not allow it to prevent me from getting in the garden every day during those gorgeous summer months. The Universe is aching for you to smell the flowers too. What pretty flowers are you preventing yourself from smelling because of your fear of bees?
Every zodiac sign has their own special built-in fear. And it’s there for a reason. Scorpio is afraid to try many partners in love because they are fixed to one person. Libra is afraid to be alone, so some of them try everybody. We all have our thing we are afraid of. Some signs don’t like to communicate, others are afraid if they stop talking the world will stop listening. We all have our thing. What is yours? The Universe designs these built-in fears because it wants us to overcome them. Did you know that some of the most powerful leaders in the world are also deathly terrified of public speaking? They knew what their “thing” was, took that as a sign from Universe as what they need to overcome, and then they did it. That doesn’t mean their knees stop shaking when they give public speeches. It simply means, they know accepting their fear as just thoughts that are messing with them is all that is needed to step up to that podium. They also know when they step up to that podium, the rewards are bigger than fear. When you look at fear this way, as a sign from Universe, treat it like an action plan. Now fear isn’t just in your head. What are you doing with it? Success is on the other side.
4. Embrace your zodiac sign’s super power.
Just like we all have a shadow side that is trying to convince us that our fears are legit scary things that we must bow down to, we all have a super power. Do you know what yours is? Use it when you are fighting the war with fear. You would never go to the battle of Gettysburg without a weapon. Why go to the battle of Fearsburg without your own arm and guard? Your super power is what will help you overcome fear. Let’s say you want to be President of the United States for example, but you have a fear of talking to people. Does that mean you can’t do it? Well, it means you have a lot to deal with. Talking to people is kind of number one on the job description. But overcoming that is very easy when you embrace your zodiac sign’s super power. If you are an Aries for example and feel this way, you can still get elected and take the office by using your super powers of leading and delegating. Okay so only a handful of humans have ever actually accomplished this. But you want to be President of something. Maybe it’s your business, maybe it’s your home, maybe it’s your journey in this lifetime. You already are the President of all of that. But if you are letting your fears run the show, that’s why you aren’t succeeding. Now you know all you need to do is embrace your own super power and use it to fight your fear.
Water Signs for example, Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer, are very intuitive, psychic even. You succeed when you use your emotions and intuitive gifts. Those are your super powers. Earth Signs Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn, are born workers and money makers. You succeed when you overcome your fears of hard work and commitment. Air Signs Gemini, Aquarius, and Libra, are the communicators and the intellectuals of the zodiac bunch. Use your super powers of persuasion and the written word to win the war with your fears. And Fire Signs are the sparkly adventurers of the zodiac. Your super powers are your natural charm and just awesomeness to be around. You literally can smile your way through any crisis, and shouldn’t have any fears at all, because it always works out okay. Your super powers Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries, are in your ability to keep everybody happy, no matter what is going on around you.
Use these super powers within your Self to overcome the fears that are holding you back from success. Remember what it was like to ride a roller coaster. It’s scary, but it’s a good scary. When you are doing the right thing with your life that will lead to success, it’s a good scary. It’s okay to be terrified. Remember, it’s not brave if you aren’t. Accept that you have fears, and use them to your advantage, with your secret super powers. How are you going to embrace your own super powers?